Birthday haiku for Alison Brie

Born in the highlands of Scotland to a nebbishe shepherd and an unforgiving mother who mashed Manischewitz by moonlight, young Seamus quickly found comfort in the escapism afforded by the internets. His bar mitzvah ceremony attained mythical status when upon chanting the opening blessing for the haftarah portion, Seamus was whisked out of the synagogue by great Nessie herself. (It was actually his estranged Uncle Larry from Montreal, who staged his nephew's abduction while wearing a Rubie's banana slug costume in exchange for a fifth of kosher bathtub booze.)

Born in the highlands of Scotland to a nebbishe shepherd and an unforgiving mother who mashed Manischewitz by moonlight, young Seamus quickly found comfort in the escapism afforded by the internets. His bar mitzvah ceremony attained mythical status when upon chanting the opening blessing for the haftarah portion, Seamus was whisked out of the synagogue by great Nessie herself. (It was actually his estranged Uncle Larry from Montreal, who staged his nephew's abduction while wearing a Rubie's banana slug costume in exchange for a fifth of kosher bathtub booze.)

Seamus currently resides in Brooklyn, where his signature Tam o' Shanter yarmulke -- the "McQuippah" -- has endeared him to local soul-searching Birthright alumni and the similarly-confused hipsters dressed like Hasids. If one peers eastward at night from from the famed Brooklyn Bridge, he/she can watch the mesmerizing sounds of a distant bagpipe herd the borough's wafting smog to the heavens above, revealing the glow of a myriad innocent faces watching YouTube videos of dubious Jewish value; this is the legacy of Seamus McQuppah.